last day of 2012

so it's here!!!!! new years eve. 2013 tomorrow. fun.

tbh i think i have changed over the last year. i dont like to think that i have, but i really have!! i have taken part in so many things that have changed me and there were so many first for me. i have grown so much closer to my new friends and i love them greatly. i dont want to ever loose them.

soppy git

haha. i dont know wether i should start a new blog, or just re-name this one... i think of it tomorrow lol

anyway, good night and happy new year world!!!!!! <3

Merry christmas!!!!!!

hello world, it is that time f year again!!!

presents have been given, and food has been ate and now to watching tv!!! ahh bliss.

i'm of to my grandparents soon and also my uncles. proper family reunion.

however, there has been drama amongst my college friends. i cant even describe what has happened it it just so messed up and stupid. all in all, me jess and hannah have fallen out with rachel. big time!!!! well its kind of more rachel has fallen out with us...

stupid.

anyway, i dont want to get angry now, and i dont want to talk about, or too her.

it should be a nice day today, it usually is :)

well merry christmas world!!!! (well those that celebrate it)

<3

oh fuck! hello december

holy shit man!!!! its advent!! nearly christmas. nearly the new year. nearly a whole year since i started this blog!!! shit man.

ohh dear me, what a year. AND it is no where near done yet!!!! got s much college crap to do, uni to apply for, presents to buy. urgh everything.

well i'm at work placement again. at wagz again... dont get me wrong, its a great place and i have fun. but i wish college set me up with something else and something to do with what i want to do with my life. infuriating.
well im going to organise my own the next time, so hopefully it will be okay... maybe lol.

i went to Chester Zoo last friday. and i have to say that it was the bast day of my life. i have no time to talk about it now, but i will later today, or tomorrow lol :D

night night world <3

oh god, hello november...

eskk i have not posted in ages!!!!!

not good, and a load of crap has happened. ive been so unbelievably busy this month as well. ive had something on every weekend. its horrible. and alot of things have changed because of those weekends. not just how i am, but how others are around me. dont really want to talk about it as it is rather messed up. and i feel like i cant talk to my best friend about it cos i am annoying her with it. so im just going to let it go and see how it turns out..

thank god its half term this week though!! ive had sometime to myself for one lol. no assignments, not cadets. bliss. but i'll have to do the work soon though.

i'm applying for university as well which is huge!!! one day i think it is an amazing idea and is the only thing i can think about, but other days i just think its the worst. like i dont know what im getting myself into. its so huge and such a big change. i dont want to leave people. urgh. i guess my view will change tomorrow on this fact. urghhhhh.

anywho, im tired. night world xxx

oh god, hello october

oh my days it's nearly the end of the year!!!!!

and i can honestly say i am the procrastinating queen of the world!!!

yeah so i should be doing home work right now, but i just cannot bring my self to do it!!! it is the most hardest thing ever. all my work (including stuff i havnt been given/ given back yet) needs to be in by december... it killing me knowing i should be doing work. i just cant.

i'm off college on thursday, so i'm going to go in then and do some work... i hope i do get some done. i usually do when i am not at home lol. there's just too many distractions.

my sister is loving college and its great seeing her all the time. shes really getting into it as well which is great :)

college tbh is becoming more demanding, and my teachers are kind of becoming more hateful. just like my friends... two weeks in a row i have lashed out at them for either side of us being stressed. its just the small things that really get to me when i am annoyed. i just want them to go way ya know? i am grateful for them, dont get me wrong. with out jess or rachel, i would have nobody. its just they need to learn to leave me alone some times, and stop saying stupid stuff. just grow up. urgh!!

rant over

cadets is starting to be even more of a nighmare. i have something going off nearly every weekend this month!! its killing me. its great that i get payed and all, but i need time off. but these camps are important too. they allow me to to other things and better things with cadets!! its great.

well i better get back to doing fuck all... and then off to cadets...

ooh oh its my last dog training date tomorrow!!! :( so sad its nearly over!!!!! i was really getting used to it and we were getting good too!!! i hope i get a distinction!!!!!!!!!! fingers crossed.

byeeeeee xxx

why do i read fan-fiction?!?!

urgh sat here in tears right now!!!!! fan-fic kills me. well the pairing has to be right haha. i just read a harry/ tonks one shot, where they fell in love, and tonks died instead of sirius. its so bad!!!! its the same story all the way through as the books, but with repercussions of what happened, and what happened in the future... its so sad.

anyway, apart from wanting to kill myself right now, today was really good!! first day back at college, and yes i did fuck all haha. its great. and tbh, it was awesome being at college with my sister, and its the same tomorrow. its going great  haha.

night world.

asdfghjkl

i turned 20 yesterday... i dont feel it, or look it. urgh its kind of killing me. i dont know what to do to look 'my age'. or if i need to do anything... mental. is there really a look that goes with a set age?!

college tomorrow. but we are doing nothing college like... haha. i think we're just getting our timetables, and being told anything new... bore off!!

right bath time to look pretty for tomorrow... fat chance.

love yaaa

got to get back to hogwarts!

hello first of september, and hello two days until my birthday!!!!! eeeeeeeee.

excited but i dont want to turn 20.

i donated blood on thursday and it was a bit of a disaster haha. i didnt faint or anything, they just couldnt get alot of blood out of me haha. either i have slow blood flow, or the nurse was shit at getting the right vein. i am hopping for the latter because the other makes me feel like there is something wrong with me haha. she had to keep wiggling it, which bloody hurt. and it didnt work. now i have a huge bruise :( aww.

okay so i need to start doing some college work!!!!!!!!!!! :( it makes me want to cry!!!

byeeee x

gota get back to hogwarts, gota get back to school!!!!!!! <3 <3

my birthday soon!!

omg i turn 20 in less than a week!!!!!!!!!! and it is my brother's 23rd birthday today lol. yeahh all my family's birthdays are quite close together. mine on the 3rd of sept with matt's today. my mums on the 15th of aug and my dad's on the 18th of aug (cute i know!!!) and then simons on the 25th of april and catherine's on the 10th of may. very odd.

anywho, i have been away with cadets for 8 days on my annual camp, and tbh i really enjoyed this one!!! its weird. usually i hate it. there was one bit that was pants that i want to forget about, but the rest was bloody awesome!! i had such a laugh!!! so many random moments, and the area we had was the best. such a major turn around from when i was there 3 years ago lol.

i go back to college on the 5th!!!! one for one day that week though. i really dont get. we mustent be doing much then i guess. well i hope not tbh haha. i'll check with my friends who have to be in on the days before me lol. getting me paniked man!!!! haha be good to see everyone again like, but i really dont want to goooooooo!!!!!! wahhhh.

my sister is joining me this year though. should be interseting!!! :)

nothing else to report on, need to carry on with the homework that i have neglected... sad face!!!!

niiiiiiiight world <3

20 in a month

oh hello. it really has been awhile hasnt it???

so alot has actually kind of happened. the other week i confronted my best friend gemma on all the crap she puts me through, and other people through, including her boyfriend. it was crazy. i said all that stuff by accident if i am honest. i was a bit off with her, so she asked me whats up. so instead of saying nothing (like i always did) i came out with it all...
it was a great wake up call for her though so it was great. she finally saw herself for who she was. our friendship did shatter, but we could be stronger now for it. well i hope so. im going to meet her on monday. i hope it isnt awkward haha.

other news... dog training. its going well tbh. its alot of fun and hard work. and its good to actually see my friends in the holidays haha. usually i just stay in haha. we havnt actually got much done recently though, cos my other friend has been doing jess's other dog has always been late to our meetings. and we have been constantly at the tattooists... its mental. next week SHOULD be back to normal haha.

this is the bear that i have to train. haha!!!
 

my sister is going back to college next september, and she is doing the level 2 version of my course!!! im so excited for her. it will be so fun having her al college all the time, cos i hardly see her any more as she has moved out lol. i'll be able to help her aswell with her work as i have already done it, and she hasnt been at school in years lol.

annual camp in two weeks........ arghhhh :( s not excited. it gunna be so shit. i have no friends in the adults. dont want to go. haha urgh.

nothing else to report on, other that i am old!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i dont want to grow up haha.

byeeeeeee <3

hello stranger

man it has been a long time since i last posted. the last time was when i came back from my AITC camp <3 and that was a month ago no now. best week ever and i am still not going to share it with you :P it is my memory and it shall stay with me for ever <3 <3

college time!!! i have finished now for the summer and have like 10 weeks off holiday. haha love it. but every tuesday i have o g to my friends house to do some animal training for an assignment haha i cannot wait. its going to be awesome. we're training her dog to do an agility course. going to be so funny. this tuesday coming is our first session and when we are done, the rest of our friends are going hers so we can have a disney dvd day haha!!! love it. we're such children <3

more college shit:  we had a presentation assembly thing where we got our certificates for finishing the sub diploma, and there was some people voted as best student of the year, and i got if for the level 3's!!!!!!!!!!!!! arghhhh i am so happy. i am so proud of my self, and tbh i think i deserve it haha. i have never been late, never handed in work late. always had good work. never get in trouble. always contribute to lessons and tbh i am clever. i know what i am on about when i talk in class. i did think however that other people would get it, but no. amazed.

cadets: mehh. nothing much to report on, except that i have been promoted!!!!!!!!!!!!! arghhh i have my sgt back <3 so happy to be sgt edge again <3 haha love it.

gunna try and get a job soon.... really need it haha oh well.

ta rahhh :) xxx

best week of my life

the dates are from the 1st of june to the 8th of june and i was away on an army cadet camp to promote me to sgt and to get better at teaching. and yes, it was the best week of my life <3 <3 <3 that is all <3 <3 <3

let the sun shine

sooooo, i'm not in france :( i could have been waking up in sunny france today instead of sunny england haha. right i'll explain... i lot has happened with choir. first of all as i have already explained, the flight got cancelled, so we were going to go on an executive coach to go the whole way. we was all thrilled and i was looking forward to having a road trip through france, but no. the coach company went bust like two weeks before we had to go... we tried another coach company, nothing. another flight to aulliac, nothing. all we could come up with was numerous flights and train trips. alas is is too expensive for me and my mum, so we had to pull out a week before going. :( And that is not all... our conductor Tony died two weeks ago. hes about the same age of my parents and is just an amazing person. :( so genually upset about his passing. we was given this news a couple days before our next meeting so i didnt know what to expect. we got told about the farce with the travel that meeting so its all bad news. its terrible, one bad thing after the other... we didnt get any singing done that night, and the future of the choir is hanging in the balance.

in one tiny bit of my mind, i am kind of glad i didnt go to france as i have assignment work to do, and i need to get ready for my week long camp starting next weekend with cadets. i need to save the money and time haha.

i am so not ready for this camp. as said before, i have een moved detachments so i can help out there and teach, but noooooo thats not happening. i have done no teaching what so ever. granted i have only been there three times, but all we have done is mess around... its pissing me off now, i need to teach to pass this course!!!! urgh hating it at warsop. neil will never change, its pointless.

i'm meant to be going to the pub again with gemma tonight, but no, she bailed on me. its like shes not my best friend at all. yes when she needs help am always there. she rang me up crying again because of her boyfriend, and i helped her. she is unbelievable. and now i have just seen that she is going to meet up with a freind of ours, who she went out with... she has a boyfriend and she is meeting up with her ex, who is best friends with her boyfriend... messed up or what... it will all end up in tears.

urgh. well time to either sun bathe or do homework... hmmm haha :P

byyyyee xxxx

hectic as hell

holy crap shit is going down!!! this weekend is busy. next weekend is busy, the weekend after is busy and s is the week later... arghhh. well this weekend its my parents that are going out, and i have to look after the dog haha. fun!! next weekend i am at thorsby with cadets camping for this festival thing. it should be a good laugh though, it with the cadets from worksop (the det i have been moved from) and i do miss them all. should be a good catch up haha. the weekend after that i am going to france!!!!!!!!!!! omg i am so ridiculously excited!!! haha its unreal. i cannot wait. and the week after that, starting with the following weekend, i am going to beckingham for a week with cadets for my AITC... and who says i dont go out... holy holy crap.

yes i have left worksop, and i had my first night at warsop last thursday. wow its different. it is so unbelievably organised. that kind of is the reason me and my brother are there, but it is ridiculous. they have like a minuscule fraction of the numbers we had, and same goes with the building. its just a shack. and ryan is there... so awkward and urgh i dont know. its just to weird.

i went to the pub last sunday with gemma and maaan that was a good night. got pretty drunk and i think i met the love of my life!!!!! hahahaha he is the bar tender at a pub in worksop and offt he was beautiful haha. he looked abit like this semi-celeb i fangirl over, but more younger. gemma said he wasnt her type and i was just lapping it up. i could not stop sating at his face and bum!!! haha so funny!! she even said that we would suit each other if we were together, which made everything worse. she kept making jibs at my comitment issues and that i never have a boyfriend. i do hate her sometimes. she knows how to wind me up, even without me saying so. it was a good night though, i do want to go back to that pub!!!!!! haha :P

again tomorrow is another day of looking after the dog whilst my mum and dad are out. i hope to get some assignment done though... haha its starting to pile up eek.

right, bed!!!! niiight xx

another day of doing fuck all :D

love having no college on fridays sometimes. but most of the time i am bored shitless. just like today. im at my grandparent house right now and i'm staying the night. i do like being here dont get me wrong, but it can get boring. one of the good points is my grandad's dogs!! they have three and they are all dachshunds that he used to show. they are beautiful haha. and my dog, georgie, is the mother of two of them :) i love them all <3 they are the best dogs in the world.

this is georgie <3 she is beautiful!! i have to admit, she is like my best friend <3 haha.

nowt else to report on really. i did have an amazing night on thursday at cadets though. it was so fricking funny. i am going to miss that place and the people. i never thought i would say that haha. but being at warsop should be fun though :) bring it on haha

right, now for watching tv and films all night haha

byeee xx

pinch punch first of the month.

happy May Day everyone!!! ive never actually done the pinch punch thing, i dont really understand it lol.

anyway, i was supposed to post yesterday, but i forgot i had choir and that takes up all my night lol. but it is for a good reason though!! tell you in a min!!

first, the animal shenanigans!!!!! college has purchased three lambs and had two ponies given to them!!!! omg i am so happy!! me and my friends got to bottle feed the lambs last thursday as well and it was just so amazing. there really is nothing like feeding a baby animal!! <3 the ponies are adorable too!! we have a Shetland pony called callum and the other pony is called smartie. they are so cute and small, you literally have to bend down to stroke callum haha.
last week we had to round up the sheep so we could practice sheep tipping for clipping their feet and man!!!! what a farce that was!!!  i was the only one that actually knew what to do, everyone else just stood there!!! i was running round like crazy doing the job!! mental!!

right choir!! i am going to france in roughly 23 days!!!!!!!!! OMG!! so exited. its just for three days like, but i cannot wait. the last time i went to france was also with choir and it was the best thin ever!! i cannot wait.

i better go to sleep before i pass out, so niiiiiiight :D xxxx

woah!!

i dont like the change!!!!!! maybe... i'll get used to it lol.

anywho, its been awhile since i posted and tbh a lot has happened. aaaaand i cannot really remember from last post to now... but ive been on a camp, been told i am doing my AITC in june. gemma has left and came back as an adult. we got pissed last night for 18th as well haha!!! so amazing <3 and college is heating up again.

right cadets- AITC is my adult training course to become a SGT and i cannot wait!!! it is a week long camp and it is going to be solid as hell, but i have already done a SCIC as a cadet and they are really similar, so i have an advantage there :D
gemma has been and gone and she has done it in her very own special way... urgh. i really cannot be arsed with her crap as she is wanting to be the centre of attention all the time, but she is a CA now, she is nothing!!!! annoys me so much but i do still love her haha.
another revelation!!me and my brother are moving detachments... at first i was upset and angry that we had to be moved, but as time goes on, am likeing the idea more and more. i do love worksop det, but it can get to much or even to dull, so change is always good. buuuut i will be going to a det here i have had relationship history with one of the cadets and he still likes me and i cant have that, cos if anyone sees me kiss him or something, i will get kicked out of cadets... not good.
last night was ridiculously funny!!!! haha so amazing and felt so good to get proper drunk again :P but one of gemmas friends she had invited was a friend that i used to be very close with, but shit happened and i hadnt talked to her for the best part of a year, so naturally i was kind of dreading the reunion... but surprising it wasnt that bad... she was her same obnoxious self being all boobs everywhere and laughing uncontrollably loud... urgh. but we did have a bit of a catch up and we did say to each other that we miss each other so... mehh shes a mess. she treats lads like shit, she has a kid and is a massive whore. hate her for being like that. so nasty.

college- assignments are starting to line up and i am worried that i will get behind in project as i havent properly started and the bit i have done, was on my memory stick, which i have lost.......... :( :( :( i think i am going to die!!!!!! for the life of me i cannot find it!!! it is somewhere in my room, but i have no idea :( this saddens me so much :( :(
one of my friends has been kicked off my course too!! its crazy, even though i could see it happening from miles a way... he never handed his stuff in on time, the stuff he did hand in never passed first time, he hardly turned up to college, his work ethic was crap and was a distraction. i did try and help him so many times and encourage him to get his work in, but it was no use... his loss tbh. he hasnt got the qualification. what a waste.

right off to bed now, tomorrow i shall post again and talk about the animal shenanigans that has been happening at college haha!!!!

night!! love <3

youtube binge...

yes!!! i have been watching too much A Very Potter Musical and Little White Lie!!! totally in love with starkid!!! it gets into my brain and i am singing AVPM songs all day and just thinking in the world of harry potter!!!! fucking love it!!! it's so helarious and amazing!! <3 <3 too much love for them. they can easily make me happy when i am sad!!!!

random and amazingly funny thing happened yesterday at cadets. this lad that, yeah i do kind of like, has shagged another female cadet and so i was teasing him about it, calling him dirty( which he is, as nearly every lad had shagged the girls he has recently). and s he came up to me and asked if i was jealous of him because he hasnt slept with me!!!!!!!!! i just had to laugh in his face!!! the things i was saying was to make him feel bad!!!! haha not to tell him i was bloody jealous!!! pahaha. no, jealousy is not in the question. disgust and disappointment? yes. ohhh dear me. i kind of do get where he is coming from as we did kiss a good few months back and we did sleep in the bed at that party... yeahh not good. but nothing happened, and im guessing he thinks that i wanted something to happen. haha cray shi!!!!!!! maaan.

camp this weekend though!! hopefully it should be fun... maybe. not to sure what im doing though when i get there lol. always good...

might post tomorrow, but ive go shit loads of shopping to do for camp and college... urgh

night :3 <3

make up your mind!

the title is about my best friend gemma. she is leaving cadets in two weeks and now that she is getting closer to the date, she doesnt want to leave as she is having much more fun now... i don get her. if she just relaxed in the first place, we wouldnt be in this problem as she would have enjoyed earlier, and wouldnt want to leave!! to crazy for my liking and waay to complicated. i dont need this shit. hahaha.

nothing else happened today...pretty boring until i got to cadets where i had lots of fun :) i did actually have a really good laugh. i love having banter with people :) especially lads, its just so much more fun haha love it!!!!

off to my grandparents tomorrow so i dont know what i will be doing haha. good friday tomorrow though, so i have church in the afternoon. s'always fun... mehh

right, bed!!! niiiiiiiight looove you xxxx

cold!!

we have had snow in april!! april!!!!!!!! mental weather, and thats saying something for england haha.

as mentioned yesterday, i had nothing to do today. so fun. i had to get the newspaper though in the snow which took the piss haha. i got soaked. it was rain and snow together!!! mad weather.

just had a mini depressed moment like five mins ago... i just saw that jonny post a picture on facebook of him and his girlfriend :( it hurt. really bad :( ...

blurghhhhh.

nothing to do tomorrow aswell. love it........ urgh.

byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee xx

easterrrrrrr

my last post said i was going back to college, now i am not. haha hello easter holidayssss!!

i've only been at college for two weeks as well. the first week was completely pointless and last week wasnt actually that bad. well considering me and my friends have be spilt up, and one of my friends brother nearly died in a motor bike accident. its crazy. its only me and two other of my friendship group in out tutor. the rest are in another. its really not fair. and with the motor bike accident... she is a wreak. its so sad. it has nearly been two weeks and there is hardly any improvements. hes still unconscious. :( i feel so bad for her.

cadet news!! none really accept that i will be going on my adult training course in june!!!!!!!!! eeee sooo excited. i will bee a sgt then sooon!!! hahaa aaaaaand my best friend gemma is leaving in like two weeks hahaha. as if she is leaving. she is so ridiculous. she has been having fun as well at detachment. i dont get it. the other night she was all in a flap about not being allowed to do something, but she just doesnt realise that we all had to go through that, shes not the only one!! she thinks shes special and she should be treat that wayy!! angers me soo much!.

jonny's sill seeing that girl... -cry-... haha im so pathetic. well thats what i get when i miss my chance. hmm. he hasnt spoken to me in ages. but he did out of the blue say hi earlier. he was being so nice and flirty too!! :( :( :( grr it just makes me like him again and then feel all depressed haha. mehh.

well its easter holls and i have nowt to do. i did try and organise something with gemma, but nope, aint going to happen. we did actually go to the pub last sunday, and it was actually fun haha. we did alot of catching up and bitching about people haha its our favourite sport ;) aha. yeah it was fun, got a little drunk which is always good and had a brill laugh haha.

might post again tomorrow as i will be doing nothing and it is meant to be snowing (WHAT) so i'll be inside all day haha. well i do need to get back into the swing of this thing anyways haha

niiiiiiiiight <3

oh hai

just a flying visit as i am too tired to reel off what has happened to be since the last time as it was ages ago, but i will post in detail tomorrow.

warning for tomorrow's blog: depressing!!! haha manic stuff happening and not really happening...

oh well, till then :D loveeee <3

blogblogblogblogblogblog

hiiiii

once again it has been awhile since i posted and quite abit has happened. like i said in my last blog, i hated to the kennes i was made to go to, and luckily i found a new place, wagz dog grooming!! it was amazing!!!! best week and a half ever!! haha i loved it! i worked with the best people ever and with one of my favourite animals!!! i had such a laugh there it was so good for me!! so happy.

cadets!!!! things are starting to pick up pace again!! i am teaching lots and the weekend before last i went on my first modular training to get me ready to become a SGT!!!!!! EEEEE!!!!!!!!!! so excited!! the mods weekend was fun!! i didnt really learn anything, it was just mainly refreshing my memory of all the knowledge of cadets haha. we had a laugh though and the buildings we stayed in were amazing haha i dont usually say that about a camp but it was great!! i got very drunk saturday night, but it could have been worse if my brother wasnt there!! haha crazy stuff!!!! i met an old friend too. we have started talking alot. he makes me smile too.... but i know i will fuck it up... :/

yes on the same lines of doing that with a guy who i could have been with. jonny, who i'm not sure if i have mentioned, well it was his 21st birthday a bit back and i wanted to meet him, and to be with him. but that never happened. afew days later he is in a relationship with another girl... i was heart broken when i saw that relationship status change on facebook... he asked me out along time ago and i never said yes. i missed my chance. i always do that. mess things up. my best friend even told me that. she said i can never be happy for my self, never let a guy like me. never like a guy that likes me.

more camp stuff------> right, my best friend and her boy friend (a freind two who also was in love with me... anywhoo) had the mother of all arguments on camp and i had to be the middle man. dont get me wrong i love gemma, but holy crap she is insecure and so fucking annoying when it comes to her relationship with danny!!!!! they had a full blown argument and had to be there to witness this... it was mental. i was willing them to break up tbh.... i know that sounds horrible, but they dont suit, they always fight, gemma is paranoid of him cheating and i want her to be single with me. i will never tell her that though.. i cant, she wont understand. i will never be with anyone. i doubt i will let myself get with anyone...

narghhh drama!!!!

on a lighter note!!! i go back to college tomorrow!!!!!!! i cannot wait to see my friends again!!! we were ment to meet up at the weekend, but the plans that we made AGES AGO AND ALL AGREED ON never happened. no one had time... typical hhahahha. i cannot wait for the next topics we are doing!!! zoo with andy!!!!!!!!!!! omgomgomg so excited and happy!!!!! i'll try and post soon to update you on the college scenario!! eeeeeee!!!!

love!! xxxx

blog two of two

right, work experience...

was excited and reasonably happy about where i was going, but three days in, i am a mess!!!

it still hurts to talk about it if i am honest, but she is one hell of a cow!! she was so aggressive to me and made me cry everyday i was there!! today i walked out just after half an hour.

she made me out to be stupid and lazy...

i had to work with saffordshire bull terriers and pit bull type dogs, both which i hate and are petrified off...

so not the best time of my life. i might talk about it later on in the week or so, when it hurt less. but now i am focused on tomorrow and my new placement at a dog grooming parler. should be fun :D so happy its sorted and i never have to go there again. so happy my tutor was sympathetic <3

right, till the next time. much love

blog one of two

helloooo stranger!!
this blog is going to be in two as i havent posted in awhile, and a lot has happened!!!!

first of all, CADETS!!!!!!
not much tbf. last weekend i was on camp, and i was with people who i detested... i couldnt stand it. i was with a guy who i hate, and who hates me, and i was with a lass who pisses me off no end!!

i was a ridiculous camp. we had to do a 17K walk which killed me almost!! we had to do he walk with full burgans on aswel, and i got told off, in front of the cadets, by the bloke who i did do not like!! he told me off for letting a cadet carry my burgan!?!?! it was stupid!!

i had to basha up with the lass who i dislike as well, i had to bloody sleep next to her!!! i could have killed myself!.

on the plus side, my best friend who i currently am not allowed to talk to is soo leaving cadets to become an adult like me!!!! this means we can talk to each other again!!!!!!! so happy.

thats quite mild to what happened next. blog two it is then!!!

completly drained

i should have been doing college work tonight, i should have been doing it all weekend. but i ended up sleeping and watching tv. i needed it though. i have been doing so much work recently it is unreal. thats why i havent posted in ages :(

college is so stressful, and i only have one whole week left!!! its scary, everything has to be in, and i dont have some assignments back yet!!! so worried. it has turned me into a wreak this past month. ill, spotty, weight going up and down, fatigued :( everything related to stress. i need sleep right now. should be doing work. urgh.

one good thing though!! work experience starts the week after!!! eee excited and scared much!! i didnt get the stables placement however! :( :( really disappointed, but i have a place at a kennels :D hope its good. next year i want something more what i want to do in my life, like a conservation centre or a zoo <3 me and my friend sfrom college are hoping to go to africa next summer to do conservation work!!! <3 i hope we do, it is want i want in my life. but i cant see it happening tbh. hmm

cadets is being mental. two camps in a row staring next weekend!! eshk. i will die. the first one is a field craft one so i get to play army!! haha, buuuut i am with some who i dislike very much!! cant win haha. next one is a teaching course, should be fun :) news i might not have already said, but i am a full PI now!!! ARGHHHH hahaha sooo happy. i get to teach, i get to talk to people, i get paid!!! love it.

still no luck on the romantic side of my life... even though some people think i do!!!!! right, someone who i thought was a nice guy stared a rumour abut me telling adults and CADETS!!! that i had lost my virginity to an other adult. but thats not true. i am still a virgin, and proud. i cant believe he told cadets. you're not allowed to talk to cadets about sex and sexual relationships!!! ive had quite a few lad cadets who want to get with me, come up to me and ask if it true!!!! they shouldnt do that!!!! its not right. two of them was sad and angry when they heard!!!! why do people want my virginity so  much!!!!!! it makes me angry. its a breach of my privacy and its sick. really cant be doing with it, and i am seeing him on camp next weekend too. i dont know what to do...

rant over. haha!!

anywho, best get some sleep as i am going into college tomorrow :( i dont usually :( hmm. nightttt love you. <3

narhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

majorly fed up now!! just got back from cadets in a crappy mood. urgh. i dont really know why. i had a laugh and everything as usual, but the end was just horrible. watching couples hugging and that, or others flirting. and i had nothing. made me feel like crap. i am proud of being single, but i do get lonely every now and then :/ even though i am lonely, i never change that fact... because i cant. my head and heart wont let me.... so messed up.

did more or less fuck all today. i hate my self for it. i need to do my assignments before i kill my self, become to stressed, or kill someone!! urgh. hello depression.

its a clear night tonight and the stars are shining bright. i look up. i am so small, insignificant.

night world. <3

great day

today has been so good. i actually went out and had fun haha. i went to the cinema with jess from college. we went to watch war horse and omg!!!! it is undoubtedly the best film i have ever seen!! it is so amazing, and surprisingly as good as the book. usually film from books are never the same, and never as good. but this time they were more r less spot on!!! i have never cried so much at a film as well!! so emotional. not only as the human loss and deaths, but the horses. me and jess are huge animal lovers, and both love horses, so this film was so good for us. more so for me though, as i not only have an animal background, but an army one too. and the film was set in ww1. doubly emotional haha!!!

nothing else to talk about really. train journeys and medowhall themselves wenrt actually that bad... still usually over run by girls trying to be older than they are and the usually annoying pretty boys. buuuuut there were some lads that were beautiful, and that looked at me to say oo shes nice. haha!! i love it. they were really cool and trendy, and my type too!! :D made me soo happy.

good day today :) night world, back to work tomorrow <3

morning!!

well it isnt, am off to bed in an hour, but its the only time today that i have felt fully awake haha. jam packed weekend!!! highlights:
stray dog
chilwell again
paperwork madness
cute cadets
slightly drunk
early start
cold
no where to go
wasting time
cold
being told i look younger than i am
stress
beautiful shower
lots of laughs
wanting to be a cadet again
drunk
squeeky bed
whittney houston dead
stress
pain
photographer
wanting to be a cadet again
stress
laughs
falling for him again
sleep
missing people

crazy crazy days!!! love it, and in less then three weeks time, am back on camp, and same the weekend after. i actually think i will die. half term no however, and my relaxing day is done. back to college work tomorrow. but first the dentist, on valentines day! yes!! well am single, so it alright, and my dentist is beautiful, which just makes it so much better. i'm always single of valentines day, and it will take a very special person to change that, or i will have to sort my head out haha.

anywho, talk more tomorrow. love!! xx

holy moley!!

i had my interview and medical todayyyy eee!!! i was surprisingly not nervous, i was just abit embarrassed haha. some of the questions for the medical were ridiculous!! do you have pile? ...no do you have trouble passing urine? ... no! haha so horrible haha. the interview was good though, i could feel my self going red through out it though. i blush so easily.

a little bit of a sigh of relief in college life today :) handed in an assignment earlier, same last week, got my referral back as a distinction :) happy days. still some stress though, its unavoidable. but andy is back!!! <3 he is too cute for his own good haha.

major annoyance with my bestfriend gemma though at cadets... we had an amazingly fun night yesterday, but now she is being a bit of a tit with me. her mood swings are ridiculous!! i can hardly hack it. one minuet she is verbily hating on her boyfriend on facebook, the next she is fine, but dosent want to talk about it!... i dont get it. she will be a nightmare tomorrow night!! she is such an angry person it is unreal haha. and her relationships are ridiculous too!! she is the man in the relationship for sure!!

even though i ha fun on tuesday evening, the afternoon wasnt as good :/ i had to try so hard from bursting into tears on the bus ride home!! but when i did get home, it all flooded out. i havnt cried like that in awhile. it was quite painful and its the crying where you feel tired afterwards haha. i was upset for two reasons, and they happened quite literately after each other. the first one was that of my new college friends finding out that i was a 19 year old virgin. i know i shouldnt really be upset about it because i am not ashamed. am proud more than anything. but its just that hannah who asked me, is younger than me has slept with around 10 people and is not ashamed, and is very vocal about it. my friends always talk about sex, at least once a day. and i just never join in those conversations. i am actually surprised i had kept it a secrete this long haha. she only asked me because i made it quite abvious by excusing my self from a conservation about embarrising sex moments. when i came back from the loo she asked me. i know she asked jess if she knew if i was. i still dont know why i was that upset about it. i was just embarrassed i guess, and i dont want loads of people knowing, because every at cadets knows haha!!! aaaand that lad who want to get with me. thats for a different post though :P haha. and the second thing is just tha a got an assignment back that i had worked really hard on, and i got it all completely wrong... but i know what i am doing now so its okaaay :)

cadet camp this weekend... fun. TIRED!!!!!!

nightynight <3

snowsnowsnowsnow

at last we have snow!!! it's not much though unfortunately :( so it will be gone by tomorrow. i'm a bi indifferent when it comes to snow, i do like it as it is pretty, but i hate the cold and wet, and it just makes people stupid. and driving is terrible too. i was at my grandad's this weekend and when he was driving back, we were on a bit of road that had not been gritted and we slid turning a corner!! thats why i hate driving!! i was so scared!! and it has just made my fear of driving even worse. oh god!

i do love going to my gran's and grandad's though!! they live in shuttlewood in Derbyshire which is beautiful!!aaand they have the most beautiful dogs in the world! bugsie Malone, molly Malone and Della <3 they are all standard wire haired dachshunds.

major stress with my bestfriend gemma!!! as said before, she was quitting for definite... turns out not!! (again) i really do give up with her! she changes her mind more than i change my bloody under wear!!!!! its rediculous to be honest! and now she says she has a plan of what she is going to do, but it will never work, and when it doesnt she'll get pissy and unbearable!!

camp next weekend!!! yay buuuuuuuuttt i have my interview and medical this coming wednesday eek. however after that i will be a full PI finally!!

nothing else to talk about today, just that college is killing me slowly :(
till the next time <3

my eyes hurt...

so so so tired. i have done so much work today, finished one assignment, and now half way through another... i have too much work to do it is unreal. wednesday nights usually are relaxed and nice, but not today :( i have nearly finished an assignment though which is good haha

i really hope this month goes slow, it more than likely wont, ifs the shortest month in the year ironically haha.

i did get to have some down time tonight though, i watched natural word: tiger dynasty, which was amazing!!! i was crying my eyes out by the end of it because it was so sad and hear breaking :( humans are so horrible to animals, especially to endangered tigers :(

i hope tomorrow is good, but i highly doubt it. my ecology teacher hasn't been here for two weeks, and we still need assignments back, and have two still two be given and do... i am really scared that i wont pass the course :(

cadet news- my best friend who is one of the highest ranks and still has a year left, is deciding (again) that she is quitting!!! she makes me so angry. cadets needs her, she is just so stubborn, and she expects too much, and when she doesnt get is, she kicks off. this is like the 10th time she has said she is leaving, but i think this one is definite. she wont let me talk her out of it this time... i'm really good at doing that haha, am good at giving advice, i love it!! 

right! nightnight world!! peace out <3

naughty Rosie

yeah yeah i was supposed to post yesterday, but i didnt... sorry!! i am so ridiculously swamped right now it is unreal!!!

things with cadets is getting more serious and i am getting more into the swing of thing with it yay! i have my medical and interview next week on the 8th!! nervousness is starting to creep up on me haha.

things with college is getting worse and worse. i have never known a course to be so stressful!! haha. march i slowly but dangerously getting closer and it is scary!! every piece of assignment needs to be in for the 3rd of march, and anything after that will not get marked!! i have so many assignments still to do, and the referrals as well on top!! eesk.

buuuuut i have my work experience soon!! and i should find out if i have the place at the stables this week hopefully!!! fingers crossed!! :D

right bed time! long day of college, cadets and stress tomorrow!!! haha urgh.

peace out you BAMF <3

tired!!!!!!!

i haven't written on here in aaaages :( and i am too tired right now to go into the whirl wind that has been my week...

i really has been a messed up week, too exhusting for my liking too

well till tomorrow

niiiiight, love youu

semi pointless...

i had a army cadet adult training and test day today, and well i didnt get much out of it. it was mainly like pulling teeth, just being taught what i already knew and what i will be taught again from scratch in a few weeks time! i only had two tests done, my air rifle and 2.2 rifle, which are a piece of piss to do!! haha. i also felt crappy all day too because i had a stomach ache haha. i did have fun though, it is always a laugh being with all the adults at cadets haha they're like big kids!!

tomorrow is homework day!!! hopefully :/ haha. i really do need to get cracking on these bloody assignments!!! i think i am going to die... not being over dramatic or anything!! haha!!!!

nothing else to report, just majorly tired... mehh

good night world, love yaa x

cascade of emotions...

yesterday morning was the worst morning i had experienced in awhile!!! i got back my accommodation assignment back and apparently it is all wrong, and i dont have a clue what my lecturer is asking for!! i did actually break down in tears as i am so stressed and up set :( it isnt right, shes meant to be there to help me, not make my life even more difficult!!!

argh!! am so glad my friends were there to make me feel better and cheer me up!! i am so grateful for them even though i have not known them long, i still feel quite close to them, i love it.

today has just been a normal day at college, however with no doing weird things with animals haha!!!! i hope tomorrow is a good day :)

i had cadets yesterday too, it was pretty pants, its hard to keep busy in that place when you are not allowed to do much haha can wait till my sgt training!!! its gonna be hard, but lots of fun!! :D

anywho better jump in the bath, laters <3

geeks in the pub!! i'm the brunet

long time no see!!

i havnt posted in aaaages :( its because i am so swamped and exhausted from both college and cadets :( i'm still having fun though which is fortunate.

things will soon be kicking off with cadets, all paperwork is through, a training day next sunday and got my interview and medical next month!!! yaaay, at last haha.

stuff with college however is starting to pile up again haha. my tutors have the knack of giving us all their assignments at the same time!! haha. i'll get through it, i always do, i'm just to tired and hungry to do it right now haha. i did manage to let my hair down with my college girls on Saturday night however! my first ever time going down sheffield at night to go in the clubs!! i bloody loved it haha. it was hannah's 18th s we could all go drinking and we all went as geek chic (fit geeks) so i had high waisted shorts, chequered shirt, braces, geek glasses and bow ties haha. we looked amazing <3 i loved it and i so want to go plug again. i had such a laugh and the lads were all over me and jess!! hahaha it was so funny. they all wanted our glasses and having a photo with us!! so amazing.

currently dying from a cold/ infection/ flu/ whatever haha i hate winter. the only upside are the beautiful sunsets, one of which i am watching now <3 i love sunsets so much <3

back to college tomorrow... urgh. i can see it being stressful :(

till the next time, toodles x

beyond tired!!!

i didnt post yesterday, and he title says why, i was too tired... i still am tbh :(

it has been a very hecktic week, lots of cleaning and i started back at cadets again, which can be very stressful. but i was good seeing everyone again!! and i did have a laugh after awhile of not actually wanting to be there haha.

i've got my ecology and conservation presentation o do tomorrow... :( unbelievably scared. i dont really like standing infon of everyone talking, im a very quiet person and very shy. i always end up stuttering, and then i hate myself for i afterwards :(. i have gotten better though, through cadets i have learned to tackle this fear as i have to teach many different subjects to the little cadets. i am thankful for cadets in giving me more confidence :) .

off now before i just fall unconscious haha,

peace x

spring cleaning in winter..

as he title suggests i spent the whole day cleaning out the living room :( this involved moving stuff, hovering stuff, dusting stuff, moving more stuff, polishing stuff... i'm shattered now and i have college tomorrow. i think i have a morning of more cleaning, this time it will be animal cages... fun. its to much hard work for me haha.

i go back to cadets tomorrow too!! kinda excited, only for the fact of seeing my friends and getting back to the old routine lol. however one person im not sure about seeing is my bestfriend... we havnt properly talked since we broke up for crimbo holidays 3 weeks ago :/ shes far more interested in her boyfriend... i hate that and i hate girls like that!! its like i dont exist :(

hmm we'll see what tomorrow brings then... :/

peace x

no social life.

i didnt post yesterday :O i dont know why, its not like i was doing anything important... just like today haha.

i spent most of the morning yesterday taking down the christmas decorations. i dont like taking them down, its messy, takes ages and it makes the place look bare! :( and i never remember which boxes what goes in haha. oh well, next thing summer!!!! OMG my frind has just ask me if i want to go with him and my best mate and her boyfriend to go to the seaside for the weekend!! hell yeah! its going to be amazing if it happens haha.

nothing much happened today, just my grandma and aunt came around, and my aunt might be moving to America with her husband!!! omg jealous haha. but my grandma kept going n about how bad America is to live in haha. i love her rants. nothing much else happened today, did abit of my biology assignment... didnt get very far haha. now im just waiting for Sherlock to come on <3 i love Sherlock, it is one of my favourite tv shows at the moment, accept from wild at heart, but im recording that as it is on at the same time :( oh well i'll watch it tomorrow :D

 i will hopefully get some work done tomorrow... i'll try my best, i just need more motivation :(

right bath time before Sherlock <3 <3

peace x

oh so tired

i usually dont go into college on fridays, but today i had to as i has my ecology assignment to finish and hand in. i am so proud of the amount of work i have done today, it amazing. i work so much better under pressure haha.

i dont know if i still i'm, but i am meant to meet up with that lad tomorrow... im better off not being with anyone tbh. i like being alone, its one of my traits.

my parents are out at the moment, they are at a beekeepers meeting. sound more interesting than it is haha. being a beekeeper is fun and interesting, but the meeting not so much haha.

so home alone with the dog, bliss :)

peace x

success!!!!

omg the rabbit hurdling was amazing!! after many attemps and encouragements, she managed to do the hurdles on her own!! it was so amazing and cute. however i did get afew scratches at the beginning as she didnt really like what was going on and was scared, but when she settled down she was amazing!! i am so proud that i taught the rabbit to hurdle !! haha

the rest of the day was just full of the usual college banter and fun, oh and assignments haha.

confused!! that lad that i said i was now reluctantly in the friend zone with, now wants to meet up, and he was being quite suggestive to what will happen. i do wan to meet him as i miss him loads and have fallen for him so hard, but i dont want to meet because something i saw put me off him a little bit :( he is such a snake and i hate lads that flirt around, you cant trust them. but also it has a lil bit t do with my crappy commitment issues anyway :( ive been messed about so much that it is hard for me to find a boyfriend, an when some does eventually like me, i push them away. i hate being like this. i didnt go on facebook yesterday just so i could avoid him... i'm stupid. i really don know what the weekend will bring.

i dont have college on fridays, but unfortunatly i'm going in to finish off my ecology assignment. it has been such a long and tiring week. i could sleep for days, and that really is what i should be doing now...

peace x

tomorrow should be fun.

tomorrow should indeed be fun!! haha first thing tomorrow at college me and my group of friends are going to try and teach a rabbit to hurdle!! haha. i know it sounds weird but its part of my animal health assignment where we need to give an animal a type of enrichment, like exercise or social or mental. i might post a photo of it tomorrow if i get the change because we need to include photo graphical evidence in our reports.

major relief today!! my ecology lecturer has decided to be kind to us all and give us another week to do our presentations so we can concentrate better on our written assignments!! yes!!!! i have to admit, i do have major crush on him haha!! its because he is so young and cool and of all the things he has done, all the travelling and working with animals i want to work with. when me and my friend was asking about the assignment today, he kept looking at me, not my friend. i kept blushing haha he has really nice eyes too. i'm a hair and eye person, thats what i look for most in a guy.

anywho haha, today has been not too bad, had a good laugh and catch up from the holidays, nothing eventful. but i do like college like today, i felt clever and i felt that my biology teacher knows i am and was encouraging me today :) i get afew compliments like that, that am the cleverest in my group. i really helps me and keeps me going, because through secondary and sixth form i had nothing like that, just an average student who my not make it anywhere. well i'll show em!! :D haha

night x

shocking news!!

this time in 8 months i will be 20!!!! D: i dont want to become 20. i dont even feel 16, or look it... i do hate looking young for my age :( oh dear...

peace x

maybe not so stressful.

first day back at college and it wasnt as bad as i thought it would be...

my first lesson was thankfully fun as i was cleaning out the degus and gerbils cages. even though that might not sound fun, shovelling poo, but i had a laugh with my partner and had fun trying to catch the pesky rodents haha. the rest of the day was just full of  writing my assignment that i should have done in the holidays... oh well, progress is progress.

i have come down with a cold and i actually think i am dying!!! haha. i hate having colds, i feel so unattractive and down. so tried. i think thats why i have caught a cold, being so exhausted.

tomorrow shall be another day of assignment writing... fun. but maybe with some rabbit hurdleing mixed in with it ;) i hope it goes well and it is tomorrow we do it!! haha

cant think of anything else to write, so till the next time.
peace x

if you go down to the woods today.

last day of the holidays and what i hoped to be productive, turned out to be a family day out to the local forests/woods. don't get me wrong, i love going out with my family, especially to Rufford abbey and to Clumber Park, which is very close to my house, which i love. i love nature, hence where i want to go in life, conservation.

i'm not looking forward to tomorrow; early starts, long walks, the cold, stress... oh well, it will just be a long day to a even longer week.

i only have three months until all my assignments are in, until my course finishes and till i start my work experience!! the latter i am most excited about! i get to spend two weeks on a stables (hopefully). even though is is not what i want to do in life, i still find it interesting as horse work has been close to me as my mum used to horse ride, i have ridden once in my first year of Army Cadets and my gran's neighbour owns a horse and i used to help her out when ever i visited my my gran :) i hope this works for me as it is the only thing keeping me going.

Rufford and Clumber are so beautiful... i love trees and all the wildlife of the woods and the lakes. i am always reluctant in wanting to go, but when i am out there i love it. im not really fit, even though i do army cadets, so it is hard work walking many miles, but i love it. usually my family goes to the peak district around this time of year, but we havnt gotten around to doing it :( i love the peak district!! i was born to live in Derbyshire!! i want to live there and work with the land and animals when i am older and done with travelling and working with exotics.

i have so many plans... but will they happen, who knows.

peace x

all play, no work.

so today was supposed to be the day that i did a big chunk of my assingments, but however it being new years day, the tv was to distracing with all the films being on. -bows head in shame-. i dont thing the tv people should do that, have so many fulms on in one day... i got nothing done today :( and maybe i wont tomorrow and it is my last day before going back to college.

i dont really want to go to college on tuesday. it is becoming to stressful. even though i do want to work with animals when i leave college and work in animal conservation, it is just the annoying task of college first. i dont like doing the stuff that i do not need like learning about cells, or nutrition with the chemical make up of stuff... the only thing i do find interesting, is the parts that are becoming quite hard to understand because of my tutor. he has a way of failing you even when you do your greatest ever work. he is never satisfied. you think he would be bing young and attractive, that he could relate to us, be more friendly. alas no.

feeling quite down today,  even though i have just read something that made me smile uncontrollably. but it also made me realise that i am now in the "friend zone" with someone, even though i am pretty sure i am in love with him... oh dear. oh well. better not dwell on the matter, even though i posses the power to over think things, being a woman and that...

anywho, night world, till the next time. x